House Speaker John Boehner To Kids Who Hate School: I'm On Your Side

House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) released a blog post Friday aimed at pre-teens and elementary school students who really hate going to school and can't wait for summer vacation, criticizing President Obama's plan for free universal community college using Taylor Swift gifs.

In the blog post, Boehner delivers a blow to Obama's plan for free community college tuition for all Americans, writing that, "when President Obama said ‘free’ what he meant was ‘60 billion dollars over 10 years.’ Not even all the Taylor Swift album sales in the world would cover that bill," in combination with thirteen incredible powerful Taylor Swift gifs.

House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) is seen frolicking in
mud. The speaker is seen as a favorite candidate among the
untapped "child" voting bloc.
With an ever-shrinking electoral base, Republicans have been looking to expand into new demographics.

First on the speaker's list: children.

Following a trip to a school, where Boehner said he "freed all the children held captive inside so-called 'learning centers'" and took them to play around in the mud, Boehner told reporters that children are the "future."

"Listen, children are like small adults. I think we should treat them like adults and listen to their qualms, just as we would those of actual adults," Boehner told reporters, holding his new, singing doll from the Disney movie "Frozen." Boehner added that Republicans are "listening to these small adults, and overwhelmingly, they're telling us that school sucks, Taylor Swift rocks, that they want summer vacation all year, and that Tommy is super smelly."

Boehner is promising children that he is on their side.

"Children don't have to go to school after they turn eighteen," he said. "Giving them some sort of option, like free community college, that would be beneficial to their future and that of our country, just isn't right. That would mean two more years of school and school is really yucky."


Post a Comment



All posts are written by Will Wrigley -- a politics nerd, music-lover and a barely comprehensible writer.