"Susan Rice hates puppies!" yells someone who does not think US Ambassador to the UN Susan Rice is qualified to succeed Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State.
"Rich people smell!" yells someone else who thinks that Obama's stance on raising taxes on the rich is just.
"I'm rich!" yells a rich person who hates taxes and does not feel as though he or she needs to respond to the non-rich people because they are below him or her.
 |
| Aiken/Studdard is still a divisive issue. |
"Clay Aiken forever!" yells a "Claymate" who is still upset that Reuben Studdard beat out the spikey-haired singer to win on the second season of American Idol.
AHHHHHHH.
This is madness!
But it is not Sparta, it is America.
It's crazy.
Like this crazy.
What happened to the General Petraeus scandal? At least that story unified us in intrigue and made us all feel good that our lives aren't so crappy.
Ahh, those were the days.
What are we even arguing over? I mean really, what is it?
We say the debt is too high and there are too many people unemployed.
Shit. That's no good. Those are two things that Santa Claus would put on the naughty list because they are bad.
 |
| Cliffs are generally known to be avoided and have been described as "not good" to fall off of. |
So we need a plan. We need to come to an agreement on something and spend less time arguing.
We should turn to the two best problem solvers in history!
Sherlock and Watson?
No way!
Democrats!
Republicans!
Great. Everyone is here. Let's talk.
Discussion of cliffs and how to avoid them:
Moderator: What do you think we should do about this cliff? Democrats, you guys just had a big win in the election last month, you go first.
Democrats: Well, we've got to keep taxes down on the middle and the lower clasess. We also need to lower the debt but also keep people at their jobs. We should note that a job in the public sector is just as important as any in the private sector, so we should cut as few of those as possible. In order to lower debt and keep jobs, we should raise taxes on those who can afford it, like, say, rich people.
Moderator (me): That sounds like a solid plan, Democrats. Keeping people in their jobs and raising new revenue to pay for the debt by taxing rich people a bit more.
OK Republicans, that sounds pretty reasonable, but I'm curious, what do you think we should do?
Republicans: LOWER TAXES ON THE RICH. CUT TONS OF PROGRAMS. WE DON'T NEED THOSE PROGRAMS. THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE EAT WORMS.
Are you sure about that? Weren't you the guys complaining that the economy isn't recovering fast enough? Don't you guys want to keep as many jobs as possible to help the economy improve further?
Republicans: NO. OUR IDEA IS THE BEST, ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE IS A SOCIALIST.
Moderator: That sounds pretty far-fetched, Republicans. We all know that socialists hate the taste of worms, both of those last statements couldn't possibly be true.
Why do you feel like people should agree with you, didn't you guys just lose an election pretty badly?
Republicans: NO. THEY REELECTED A REPUBLICAN HOUSE. WE HAVE A MANDATE.
Moderator: But Democrats in the House won more votes than Republicans.
Republicans: YOU MUST BE A SOCIALIST.
End of discussion.
Well as you can see, there seems to be one group that kinda has their shit together and another side that does not and is really into name calling, which is mean.
One side seems to have a fairly reasonable plan. The other doesn't. You don't need to be a brain surgeon to figure that one out (although I've heard that that helps).
Can't we all just agree that some things make sense?
Then we can at least go back to arguing over things that really matter.
So...Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC?
0 comments:
Post a Comment